Music is medicine

“From 1991 until 2018, my husband and I, has lost a brother each, and a dear
friend died of suicide.
Knut Dagfinn, my caring older brother, a creative fashion-shop owner, died in 1991.
My dear brother in law, Gunnar, left in 2011, a musician with broad instrumental skills.
Two men, both intense passionate involved with music.
They influenced our direction and platform of understanding music.
In 1991, when my brother left, we where living in a society filled with shame,
and the subject was avoided, no one talked openly about people committing suicide.

Our upbringing kept us separated, my brother ended up in an orphanaga, while I was
taken to a foster farm outside Trondheim. From that day, our siblings safe nest was dissolved.

From childhood to adulthood, music har been «patch», because we lived in a dysfunctional family.
It took more than 5 years to find a inner forgiveness, and guilt took up space for a long time, and
it’ts still there.
I know I could have done so much more for my older brother, I had a son with a rare syndrome and
heart defect, and we lived 600 miles apart. It wasn’t easy to be close when we were so far apart
geographically.
Suicide relatives struggles heavely with, many forms of guilt. It was necessaryI, to finally
make it easier, to cope with life, that the serious heavy mourning work, was over. The heavyest job
was to forgive myself for letting my brother down. We didn know back then, that
we had another brother going on the same path,  only 10 years later.

With very little openness, and deep shame, my grief felt very consist
and lonely, and mostly about struggle with selfforgiveness.
The most effective help appeared when the pin hits the vinyl, and music
floated out in the room, and I reached a magic place,
where your insides* felt releief and comfort.»

«I often use the «Moon method»,
especially in the winter, and I highly
recommend it. It is not crucial that you
choose Beach Boys (My first chioce is
calm King Crimson,
but many other bands and genders work as
music therapy. The important thing is
that you resort to the music you want
to listen to). In other words, music picked
out with the heart, not necessarily by reason.
And then…let the music «wander into, or
through you.»

Experience says that it never takes more than five minutes before
the mood starts rising again. Should you get a relapse, just repeat the
treatment as much as needed.

Let’s not get hung up on the concept of quality. There is music for every
occasion, and there is good music in every genre. What is incomprehensible
or bad for some may be wonderful for others. That’s why I do not smile at people
who find joy in what intellectuals characterize as bad music. One of the worst things
that can happen to you is to know that the music you like is not worth
listening to. Let it be very clear: All music that you like and that gives you
something is worth listening to.

Brian Wilson has his own explanation for why music in itself has a healing power,
and why it is so important to listen to music. He says “The best music is the one
that gives you the feeling of being loved. Music that helps and heals.
” The explanation makes sense, and so did Keith Moon.

(Different guiltissues rests heavily on the shoulder of those left behind,
with suicide loss, an often need to seek proffesional help)

Music is medicine and a hiding place for helpless grief, and there si not a
chance for a dangerous overdose at all.

 

Some features are common to most dysfunctional families: Source: Wikipedia

• Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members,
  while expressing extreme empathy or appeasement towards one or more members who
  have real or perceived special needs. In other words, one family member continuously
  receives far more than they deserve, while another is marginalized.
• Denial (refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior, possibly believing that the situation is
  normal or even beneficial; also known as the «elephant in the room«.)
• Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g. tolerating inappropriate treatment from
  others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of
  physical, emotional or sexual abuse.)
• Disrespect of others’ boundaries (e.g. physical contact that other person dislikes;
  breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another
  person has expressed.)
• Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient peaceful arguing between family members.)
• Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their birth order, gender
  (or gender identity), age, sexual orientation, family role (mother, etc.), abilities, race, caste, etc.
  (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven/inconsistent
  enforcement of rules.)